This is my first attempt at portraying a character that uses: Interpretation, appearance, action, speech and thought (activity 5.7).
Alan is the quintessential mummy’s boy and total flop with the opposite sex. It has been said by female coworkers that he has the sex appeal of the Elephant Man on a Friday, even less so on a Monday. He is at that midlife stage: not young enough to wear the latest trends, but not old enough to appreciate the finer qualities and aromatic essence of Old spice. Officially his birth certificate states ‘DOB: 15 February 1970’ – that makes him 44 years old; well, actually 44 years middle-of-the-road. Every day, around 1pm he phones up his mother, Iris, on the pretense of asking her how she is doing, but in reality is placing his order.
‘Hi mum, hope you’re okay? I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be finishing at the usual time. Oh, and I want fish and chips for dinner, if that’s okay?’
As he flicked his empty Liverpool Football Club mug from side to side he got up and headed towards the kitchen, presumably to make himself another cup of coffee. His large 6ft 5’ frame, dark black trousers, white shirt, black shoes, and closely cropped hairstyle give him the appearance of a nightclub bouncer, which is somewhat ironic because he has the softest voice imaginable: think Aaron Neville with an elastic band around his bo**ocks. Jade Keefe, the office busybody, has cornered him the kitchen and is once again teasing him about what shade of ‘just For Men’ he uses.
‘No, I haven’t coloured my hair, you cheeky b**ch. I’m not wearing suspenders, under my trousers, either, just in case you’re wondering’
Once again she appears to have succeeded in irking him, as witnessed by his hastily picking up his coffee, before exiting through the open door and quickly walking, red faced, back to his workstation. Why does that woman always embarrass me in front of other people? I’m going to get even with her, if it’s the last thing I do, he thought to himself. Lost in thought, he savoured the fragrant woody aroma of his latte as he gently sipped the frothy, brown, tasty liquid that swished around the inside of his beloved LFC mug like a pin ball bounces around the insides of a pin ball machine.
‘Hey Jade, is it true that you caught your boyfriend in bed with your sister’s best friend?’ There that should teach her, he thought, as everyone laughed.